How Mary Got Her Groove Back.
Over the last week I’ve spent an extraordinary amount of time thinking through, analyzing, fact-finding, and internalizing the façade that was my former faux relationship. I even lost sleep for the first several days, waking up at all hours of the night, with the inconceivable deception weighing heavily on my mind. What I ultimately netted out was that I’ll simply never truly understand what his motives were, why he wasted my time (again), and that trying to instill logic with someone who is a purebred narcissist is a lose-lose situation.

I have also received word from his camp of peers with both condolences and candid conversation, which made me feel better — knowing they genuinely weren’t aware of the double life he was leading. Like I’ve always believed, the truth comes out, eventually. But this time it came in the form of an explosive, fireworks show…not only compromising our final outcome as a couple, but even lying to his own entourage.
This next piece of news didn’t come as a surprise — but apparently he isn’t too happy with my recent blog postings. That insight isn’t anything new though, as he was never really happy with it. Although complimenting my writing skills and pushing me to make money off of it, he *hated* being a lead character [despite the fact I made him out to be a romantic rock star]. So I’m sure his sour taste still holds true, now more than ever. But the truth is — this is my life and my outlet. He is finally being held accountable for his own actions, period. Words are only words. His malicious actions will never hold a candle to my sticks & stones literary documentation that only mirrors truth.

With all of that said, I made a pact with myself at the inception of this shitstorm. I gave myself one full week to say whatever I wanted to say, do whatever I wanted to do, and allow myself to feel whatever emotions bubbled up. I didn’t have the mental or physical capacity to go to the gym, grocery store shop, prepare food, or any other regular routine that typically takes a lot of discipline. I’m usually pretty hard on myself as far as strictness goes but knew that being kind to my fragile Self was the best option (with parameters as to not completely fall off the health wagon).
Lastly, I realized that I do not need a textbook incubation period to “heal” or “be alone” post break-up. I did that over a year ago, and recently hit pause to see if him & I could ever really be…….and scene. So now I’m just hitting the play button and moving on with my life, again.

A lot more time on my hands over a 7-day grace period also allowed me to think through next steps [and by next steps I mean husband shopping]. Back in November I was undergoing an intense dating binge. Then, when Mr. Ex swooped back in early December… dangling the elusive marriage mirage in my face, bachelors were put on the backburner and indefinitely disposed of. There was no way I could focus on a legitimate reunion with the love of my life while half-ass dating unassuming and innocent boys. Well, there is one exception.
Quarterback, or QB for short, never left the sidelines. Although I fully disclosed my situation to him and was well-aware of the infamous ex-files, he strategically stuck around in a very discrete yet respectful way…sporadic text messages asking how I’m doing, a few emails here and there, coupled with several unplanned gym run-ins. He’d even cross my mind when not directly in sight, but I pushed those feelings way down to not complicate the already complicated circumstance I was knee-deep in.
This is a guy who I dated for two months exactly 1 year ago, and briefly reconnected with during said dating binge in November. I can confidently say that if he hadn’t unknowingly been flanked by Mr. Ex, we’d probably still be hanging out today. I’d even go as far to say he likely would have surpassed all the other gents in the running at that time.

This was a huge ‘ah ha’ moment for me as I sat back and forecasted my future in the singles seat. Do I jump back into online dating [cringe]? Do I reach back out & reengage with the fellas from November? Do I simply do nothing and have faith that my lifelong partner will approach me in our mutual dentist office’s waiting room?
Or, do I get real with QB and give him the opportunity of a real chance? The guy has shown me more attention and affection than I know what to do with. Not to mention he could be Tay Diggs’ body double for goodness sake.

This decision is a not only a no brainer, but what I like to call a win-win situation.








