Good goodbyes.
The longer I work for a pet products company, and don’t have a pup to call my own, the more I feel like a fraud. From morning to night, I live and breathe animals. But I won’t harp on that hole in my heart because I simply can’t have a 4-legged friend at this point in my life due to current housing restrictions. The good news though is that one day, when I am able to become a FurMom, I’ll be ridiculously prepared to humanely raise a confident, obedient, and happy doggie.
Since my short tenure in the industry, I’ve had the privilege of meeting two of the most prestigious, well-respected trainers in the world. These guys are polar opposites of the domineering, pro-wolfpack leader Caesar Milan - their training techniques simply couldn’t be any different. You see, this breed of educators believes in a method called Positive Reinforcement. While I have zero credibility to professionally advise on this methodology, I at least know enough and have seen dozens of demonstrations to understand that we don’t have to physically or emotionally abuse pets in order to get them to do what we want.
While I sat in a seminar today given by a sharp, witty chap who is the equivalent of Martha Stewart in the canine kitchen, prepared to hear wisdom and insight that helps foster relationships between people and their pets, it threw me for quite a loop when the British-bred gentleman overlapped the fundamental principles to training animals with training children, and even spouses. More on that later.
I am completely fascinated by sociology, psychology, and the subconscious, so the man had my undivided attention. As a matter of fact, he is such a great speaker and fully captures your focus, I bet that is exactly how his paw-clad clients feel too.
For starters, the best way to change behavior is to reward good behavior.
But many owners rely on another approach. Inducing frustration and fear. There are 3 types of torture - inflicting pain, loss of control, and no predictability [which is the worst kind - being afraid is the highest/strongest emotional trait]. The side effects of punishment is aggressiveness/defensiveness, emotionally shutting down/depressed, and physical damage [i.e. choke collars damaging the trachea]. And to think, people do this to their alleged “best friend.”
All mammals are the same in the sense that we associate a bad experience, and then try to avoid it. That is called a behavior response. So the concept with Positive Reinforcement [vs. using Negative Punishment] is to reward the behavior that you want your dog to repeat. If you consistently and continually do so, they figure out that X Behavior = Y Positive Outcome [treat, belly rub, get to sit on the couch, etc.].
By either rewarding a good behavior, or if you want your dog to stop doing something, you have no more than 3 seconds to reinforce it - they’ll put two and two together and learn the association. This is the Law of Effect…situations accompanied or closely followed by satisfaction will be more clearly connected with the situation, and the opposite is true too. So if you come home to find your trash raided or carpet soiled, don’t bother flipping off the handle because your pooch won’t know what the hell he did wrong.
Classical Conditioning is when your pet learns to associate between 2 stimuli. One great example the trainer shared is when he has visitors over at house, they walk to the kitchen upon arrival and gives his dogs a treat. Over time, the dogs learned that visitors = positive experience. So now they don’t bark and go crazy at the door knocking, instead they sit nicely and behave properly knowing there is a benefit just around the corner. But don’t think for a second they won’t know when it is an intruder ~ their sixth sense is paramount.
Another interesting piece of knowledge is that there is no learning of “behavior” without feeling, thus you learn to respond [behave] to signals that have induced a feeling. All mammals including humans have the same original brain structure. We share at least 7 common emotional systems & learn/refine behavior the same. The most important system is fear. So think about it. If you are put in a position of fear, how do you react?
A seemingly small tip but could be huge for dogs who battle boredom — is never feed them meals in a bowl. Put food in a treat/kibble-dispensing dog toy, dampen the food, and stuff it in the container. This is especially good for when the owner has to leave the house — keeping them entertained, mentally stimulated, and busy. You should leverage this easy, daily task and put it to better use.
And this is where the lecture got really perverse.
He said humans, horses and dogs are the only mammals who put up with abuse. You’ll never see a cat, parrot or bear put up with it. And not only that, we are punished and keep coming back [only if there was an established relationship before the abuse began]. Although it sound totally backwards, we all have a need to be wanted and needed, and sometimes even being mistreated…won’t stop us from coming back for more.
Ninety percent of training is getting your dog to want to do what you want him to do. If you scare the living daylights out of him, sure he may do the deed, but it isn’t a pleasant experience for either one of you, and he won’t be inclined to repeat the behavior on his own. Teaching a dog to understand us, has to be treated like teaching a child ESL. If a kid isn’t picking up quickly during a reading assignment, would you shock, beat him, or pull sharp little knives into his neck? No. You’d pull your patience together and keep trying. This is the exact same concept as teaching a dog how to heel.
Kindergarden teachers are the best trainers of all. They can command an entire classroom of 30 little people, and not even raise their voice, by standing still with their arms crossed and say absolutely nothing. Eventually the kids will be quiet and listen. Then, in a soft tone the teacher thanks them [rewards the behavior] and continues with her lesson. So you see, the same concepts can be applied to kids, as you would a pet. Achieving the exact same outcome just by being consistent, calm and not showing attention to the unwanted behavior.
If your vocal 4-legged child goes crazy when the mailman comes by the house, teach him how to lay on a mat. Treat him when he gets it right. Once he has learned the behavior, when the mailman comes again, tell him to go to the mat - then treat him. Eventually he’ll associate the mailman with going to the mat automatically.
Additionally, just as our dogs want to please us and react strongly to positivity and praise, so do children and companions. If you scold your youngster for not writing the letter “e” in the right direction, they’ll be discouraged and not look forward to showing you their homework again. If you ridicule your spouse for not taking out the trash after you asked him to earlier that morning, he’ll probably avoid you like the plague the rest of the night. On the contrary, if you twist the approach by instead saying, “Joey you did a great job writing ‘e’ [then show it to him in a mirror reflection], let’s see if you can try copying how it looks in this image too” and thanking your forgetful housemate when he *does* take out the garbage [reinforcement].
And just like that, it hit me. We really are all so similar. Responding to kindness, gratitude and encouragement goes so much farther than manipulation, anger and loud noises. So whether it’s your little girl/boy, cutie patootie pooch or partner…try reinforcing the good behavior first and foremost and you’ll get a lot farther, faster.
His parting words had nothing to do with training, either. Instead he left us with a sentiment to be appreciative.
“So many people mourn the loss of their pets…their hearts completely break. Yet they take them for granted while they’re here. So, hug them today. Kiss them today. Have fun with them today. Every single time, give them good hellos, and good goodbyes.”
Passionately imperfect.
When I’m not writing about shopping for a husband, I’m probably thinking about dogs.
My full-time job is for a pet products company ~ our brands are super popular in the dog community, from toys to training tools. Every single day when I go to the office, and every single day when I leave [and may or may not make it to the gym]…I’m genuinely happy. How can you not be when they’re randomly dispersed throughout the cubicles, smiling and sniffing as you mindlessly walk to the printer or potty?
It has always been my personal belief to have a job doing what you truly love. I would never take a position at some random business just for the sake of getting a paycheck. Life is entirely too short & can be quite stressful to spend the majority of our waking hours *not* investing time and energy actually enjoying the tasks at hand.
Before now, my employers have in someway, shape or form encompassed non-profits, causes, or benefited people in a meaningful way…via marketing. That is my passion and calling in life. And, before today, I basically thought canines were super duper cute, and bring smiles to pretty much everyone who crosses their paw path…which in its own right, is a beautiful accomplishment ~ strengthening the human-animal bond.
These last two days have been spent in the company of pet bloggers at a conference. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when registering. Initially there were a few moments when I felt like a total outsider, for 2 specific reasons: I actually styled my outfits and have a matching, coordinated ensemble, and, I don’t own a pet.
When I caught myself quietly sizing up the lack of polished presentations and frankly, looking a bit scruffy (pun unintended), I mentally slapped myself. We’re not at freaking NYC fashion week MaryB, get a grip. Most of these people pour their heart & soul into their blogs and pets, they certainly don’t have the time or concern for a killer closet.
As far as being sans furry friend, this has been an ongoing struggle since I accepted the position. For reasons too long to explain here, my living situation does not currently allow it. So instead, I live vicariously through my colleagues & friends’ 4-legged children. I have embraced and found my Super Aunt niche.
I digress ~ so in addition to feeling uninspired by the afterthought outfits, on a few occassions, I also subconsciously caught myself slightly judging their, let’s call it, passion for pets. And by passion, I mean borderline crazy/infatuation/obsession.
Then after back-to-back keynote speakers, I was kicked on my generously sized ass. There are thousands of shelters that still kill unadopted animals on the regular. There are thousands of dogs who serve as “canine companions” for disabled people and literally change their daily quality of life on a large and small scale. The countless stories of how compassionate animals are, how they only want to serve and please *us*, and how much inexplicable joy they’ve given millions of lives, brought me to tears.
Moving forward, my 9-5 job will be seen through an entirely different lense. These creatures aren’t just warm and fuzzy, cute-to-look-at objects. They actually serve a purpose, a much larger purpose than most of us realize.
You see, animals don’t judge us. No other life form on the planet knows negativity, only humans. Watch any plant or animal and let it teach you acceptance. Let it teach you integrity — which means to be yourself, to be real.
Author Eckhart Tolle said, “I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them cats. Even ducks have taught me important spiritual lessons. Just watching them is a meditation. How peacefully they float along, at ease with themselves, totally present in the Now, dignified and perfect as only a mindless creature can be.”
God gave us these best friends to make our walk on earth just a little bit nicer…and I can’t wait to call one my own.
Raise the woof.
I got a job. I got a job. I got a job!
Excuse my incessant tail wagging but when life arrives on your doorstep in a big bow, it is hard to resist. My new position & new people who I will be spending most of my waking hours with are fantastic.
But before I get ahead of myself, do you want the good news or bad news? Ok bad it is.
- I tacked on 10 more minutes to my commute, for a grand total of 30. Have I mentioned how much I loathe driving?
- I inherited an extra toll booth, for a grand total of 3 each way. Quantifying that cost, I’m looking at almost $25 each week just to participate at work. Have I told you how broke I am?
- I downgraded from a MAC laptop to an archaic PC desktop. I won’t even entertain the silly TV commercials, there is no question which computer system is supreme.
- I moved from a corner office with (many) windows, full equipped with a company-provided plant, to a desolate corner cubicle. Dreadful.
Now for the good.
- My role is couture, to fit my creative curves. Just how I like it. Not sure how I’ve managed to pull this off, but every job I’ve ever had has been custom designed for my skill sets and interests. Not only do I get to stay within my comfort zone and finagle in public relations and viral marketing, but I’m also expanding my wing span to include brand management…something I’ve never done. My products range from established heavy hitters already in market to brand spankin’ new ones I’ll help birth in the delivery room.
- Did I mention these products are within the pet industry? I love love love animals. Grew up with a Boston Terrier and my insides haven’t been right after losing Molly. I melt on sight at four-legged friends.
- The building is gigantic with a production facility, warehouse and office space… the perfect equation to feel barren and cold. But oh no, that isn’t the case, because it has furry friends in every nook and cranny. Employees bring their pets to work. Not only does that make for much more eventful trips down hallways, but it is efficient since product testing takes place on the regular.
- My job security is sky high. This business and the industry itself are doing very well. Even though the economy is in a sad state, consumers continue to treat their pets like their own children.
Speaking of, the beau and I have been yapping about adopting a pup for years now, but can never decide on a breed. We both bark out our individual argument for varying paw sizes. Ultimately, backyard space or lack there of, has always been the deciding factor. Sooner or later, a duel petship will take place, but I’m thinking sooner given my new daytime gig. And besides, I’m not ready to produce a 2-legged offspring, so a cutie patootie canine will have to suffice for now instead.
