Match is back.
Well, I’m alone again. So what I do when I’m alone…I hop back on The Match.com.
First though, let me bring the Quarterback’s playbook to a close. When I met with him last week for 90 minutes after non-dating for 90 days, it was nothing short of terrible. He thought we were having The Talk & was prepared to lock us down as a bona fide couple. Instead I made a move he wasn’t expecting. I ended it. And it stung.
Great guy, amazing guy. Good looking, sharp. I could go on and on. But I uncovered through continued conversation that he has a tremendous amount of trust issues and frankly, I’m getting too old [and tired] to try & fix men. I gently suggested he see a counselor. And, that as things stand today between him and I, I simply can’t continue dating under these circumstances. The insecurities and walls he has working against him will continually shut out and sabotage women to enter his life in a meaningful way. I’ve learned the hard way that people have to love & respect themselves first before anyone else can.
Then I mentioned in a post not long ago that I’ve also recently engaged with my beloved Mr. Ex. Especially being around our circle of friends made me feel at home again. I could write a 700 page novel about how difficult it is for me to muster up enough self-control to not get completely devoured in his world and arms again. If I could snap my fingers, wiggle my nose, sprinkle fairy dust…anything at all…to live happily ever after with him, I’d do it. But again and again my mind bitch-slaps my heart and says, “You have got to get a grip.”
I was terrible at Economics in college. Well, I understood the concepts, but failed miserably executing equations on tests. But one theory I’ll never forget is the Law of Diminishing Returns. It refers to how the marginal production of a factor of production starts to progressively decrease as the factor is increased, in contrast to the increase that would otherwise be normally expected. Blah blah blah. Or how I understood the example, your first piece of pizza is amazing. The second is good. The third, you’re getting full. Any beyond that, you’re almost disgusted and can’t fathom another bite.
That is how my spirit feels with regards to ever getting hurt again from Mr. Ex. Could he have actually taken or is taking a major renovation internally through insight and self-awareness? Absolutely. Is there a possibility that he could be the man I always hoped he could be? Definitely. Is the risk of getting crushed again worth finding out? Not again. I’m not playing with fire anymore.
To bring some context to the situation, that would literally make me the pussy cat who had 9 lives…or 9 shots at a relationship.
I hate felines. In fact, I recently learned I’m allergic to them.
So as I was saying, when I need to distract myself, I typically dive face first into the Internet. I’ve been swimming in a sea of digital dating, at a cost of $34.99 a month, on and off, for approximately six years.
You can imagine my surprise when I received a VIP email [Note: Match always ups the ante and adds fuzzy ploys to somehow make the experience that much more silly — now you can mark an email as “VIP” and you are only allowed 1 per week] from a dude I briefly dated, if you can even call it that, circa 2004 or so. My best friend thought he was gay, based on his gestures. Today she thinks he looks better than before based on his photos, I think he has less hair, added grey hair, and put on some weight. From what I remember, he slightly annoyed me, but only because he sorta picked on me, for not letting go of Mr. Ex. I heard through a mutual friend that he later got married.
Well said bachelor emailed me, *VIP status*, which really confused me because I thought he was legally off the market. “Divorced, 33.” Doh. I’m not sure what’s worse: The fact I’m still single and still on The Match. Or that he’s back, and divorced.
This past November immediately after I was laid off @ my job, I re-upped on The Match and proposed a self-inflicted “30 Days of Dating” [see earlier comment about distraction]. I was completely overwhelmed by the time management and schedule maintenance that was necessary to keep up with the herculean effort! I remember saying to myself, “Thank goodness I’m unemployed or I’d never be able to swing this.”
Which leads me to my next point. In 3 days, my profile stats are borderline ridiculous:
- 76 Winks
- 43 Emails
- 23 Favorites
- 1 VIP correspondence
While I appreciate, very much so, the attention I’m receiving — the collective energy it takes to keep up with basic communication is insane. I could honestly use an assistant…to find my husband.
I wonder if Craigslist has a category for that.
