MaryB and the City

Steak, it’s not just for dinner.

Marriage has gotten a bad rap for the better part of my adult years. Particularly in the Sex Ed dept.

Without fail, every single comedy club I go to, the wise guy on stage makes a joke about how ever since he legally sealed the deal, receiving head is a thing of the past.

Politicians and actors, evidently, can’t keep their genital under wraps outside of their own homes. Those symbols of a heartfelt promise go undetected.

When I’m privy to conversations around husbands, be it Mr. Big’s buddies or hearing random dudes at a bar, time and time again, negativity oozes from every corner.

Just last weekend I was with my gal pal at our favorite Cuban restaurant, enjoying some delightful conversation over a cocktail, when I overheard three men chatting it up directly behind me.

                “I love my wife, I do. Don’t get me wrong. But, I couldn’t even tell you how many times we’ve had sex since getting married.”

On cue I immediately rolled my eyes, and thought, “Oh boy. Here we go again…complaining that the wife doesn’t give it up. Film at 11.”

But then he continued, and threw a killer curve ball.

                “The truth is, I’ve gotten lazy. It’s just — I can have it anytime I want it. And after a while, the appeal is lost. Even eating steak everyday can get old.”

For the next five minutes I sat there starring forward with my jaw dropped in complete disbelief.

What an asshole.

Because, here’s a news flash: That’s what marriage is. You commit yourself to one person for the rest of your life. Maybe he missed the memo.

Although I’ve heard this theoretically questioned on a few occasions, it never once resonated with me personally as a real possibility: Maybe men and women aren’t meant to be exclusive in a monogamous relationship for an entire lifetime. Maybe biologically, we aren’t designed that way. Maybe marriage ‘til death do us part is manmade, and truly is not a natural attribute for testosterone-laced, sex-driven, foaming at the mouth males.

This is how low my hopes were taken. Apparently hearing this raw remark was the last straw that pushed me over the hopeless romantic edge. Perhaps assuming that a husband can practice fidelity indefinitely is not realistic. To assume that basic science, blood-pumping organs, and hormones can be overcome by will power, sound decision making skills, and an intangible desire to stay faithful…maybe isn’t realistic.

So I did what any single 30-something girl who wants to cross over to their territory, but is increasingly nervous about all of the scary realities unfolding before me; I surveyed a few of my closest hitched girlfriends to get their take and talk me off the ledge.

Besides being mortified about said douche bag’s disgusting comment, all of them suggested that I shouldn’t become jaded by others’ complaints. That every marriage is different, and unfortunately, some people only talk when they have something to bitch about and don’t share all the wonderful aspects of their committed relationships.

They went on to tell me sentiments about their husbands that practically sounded like they came out of a Nicholas Sparks script. “I love him more today than the day we got married.” “We’re better together.” “Our sex life hasn’t changed much since getting married. Maybe it isn’t as much of a priority as it once was, but we’re both fulfilled in that arena.”

While I never thought I’d be one of the last single girls standing among my peers and extended family, it continues to become more and more clear to me that the benefit of this position is gaining incredible insight into what makes a marriage work.

Ladies and gentleman, I don’t know much, but this much I know about the sacred union:

A healthy sex life gives you endorphins that make you feel happy. Marriage isn’t easy, in fact, it’s really, really hard. Don’t give your spouse your ‘leftovers’ at the end of the day. Never stop trying. Being friends is invaluable. Be honest to one another. Listen when they’re talking — no really, listen. And last but not least, communicate openly and respectfully; it is the glue that holds two partners together.

I’ll keep the faith that my future marriage doesn’t have to live in the shadows of my whining predecessors, that a lasting institution can maintain an allegiance of fidelity to one another, and that as long as you take the time to marinate each others’ needs on a daily basis, steak could be served and enjoyed morning, noon and night.