Spring forward.
Spring is here. I know that, not only because the calendar told me so, but annoying allergies have barreled through my runny nose & itchy eyes like a freight train. With full disclosure of sounding disgustingly corny, I am looking forward to leveraging the symbolism of the season.
Funnily enough though, I was doing the exact same thing at the exact same time one year ago: getting to know and spending time with the Quarterback. We’ve hung out three times in recent reconnection history and each time I’m reminded why I fell face first for him during round 1.
But because he was the very first guy I courted post Mr. Ex’s long-term breakup, there was tremendous, inevitable room for error. Truthfully, whether it was he or any other guy up on the MaryB chopping block, the relationship would have been doomed from the start out of sheer vulnerability. Luckily since then, I’ve dated a handful of other guys here and there, learned *how* to date, learned what I’m looking for in a mate, had one final stint with Mr. Ex, and am finally back in the driver’s seat. The safety belt is snapped and secured; not too tight, not too loose.
I’m almost done with the book Marry Him, The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. I started it in the winter, quickly got distracted by personal drama, and am now trying to digest it as quickly as possible. The insight and information is a wonderful tool for someone like me – understanding what characteristics, traits and qualities truly matter in a lifelong partner and making sure to focus on those facets while dating vs. getting wrapped up in less important, unrealistic expectations.
One passage talks about “Dump the list, not the Guy” [every female reading this knows what the list is] and trying a new approach. The picture you’ve painted in your head of who your future husband looks like along with his prince charming package wrapped up in a red bow is probably a façade.
Another one that resonated with me is giving them a chance. With the QB I observed a few things that made me uneasy last March. So naturally, I bolted. Even have skid marks to prove it. That was not the right thing to do for many reasons, I now realize. And I’m grateful to have another chance to see if something really could develop with my revised, new and improved outlook.
A tidbit that initially bothered me was how he’d almost always put plan-making in my court. “Well what do you want to do?” I really wanted manfriend-on-trial to be more decisive – take that authoritative role and run with it.
Now I can not only let that factor go, but even appreciate it to an extent. This past Monday, for example, same scenario came up while setting our agenda and instead of pushing back and/or huffing and puffing to my girlfriends, I simply took a second to think, “Hmmm, what do I want to do?” and responded – Dollar Taco Night & rent a movie. Done and done. He isn’t being lazy. He just wants to know…what I want to do. I’m so used to being in a submissive position…coddling and trying to please my sidekick that I didn’t even know what it felt like to have someone else genuinely default to my wants, interests and desires. What a concept.
Without transcribing “the list” that made me peace out [which probably added up to a whopping 3 non-life threatening bullets], what I’m quickly coming to realize is how organic he is. You can’t fake character. When you’re in the presence of a, for lack of better words, good person – you feel it.
Finally, another chapter worth noting was on compatibility & chemistry. Lots of women primarily focus on the latter, weighing it heavily. Whereas we should be looking at our compatibility as far as morals, values, and beliefs. From my cumulative time spent with QB in the lab, there seems to be a healthy balance of both.
Thanks in part to the friend-for-hire who put me in my place during our 2nd happy hour sit down, little by little I’m quieting my noisy psychosis chatter that goes something like this:
“When is it ‘safe’ to show my caring, thoughtful, selfless side in front of him – I don’t want him to take it for granted!?” “Do I play hard-to-get and/or develop that silly mysterious mirage that everyone talks about as a strategy when first dating?” “Do I date other people too? If so, now or later?” Blah blah blah.
Life is so much sweeter when you simply take it day by day, roll with the punches, stop trying to control every single solitary morsel of every move you make…and just breathe.
Of course, with the help of Zyrtec-D.
