Loveaholic.
Hello. My name is MaryB, and I’m a loveaholic. I admit it. I love to love. It’s what I do. Gal pals, family members, and 4-legged furry companions are regular recipients. I also thoroughly enjoy a manfriend sidekick. I’ve been off-the-market since 7th grade. That could classify me as boy crazy, but I’d like to think I am just super loveable myself [grin].
While I sort out relationship patterns and determine why I have a running list of unfaithful partners, I’m committed to [trying to] stay single. Not just tax return status single, but truly unattached at the romantic hip.
Doing this feels so unnatural, like forcing two opposing magnets together…willing myself to not emotionally shack up with another fella.
Like I said, I love to love. But it’s time to stop the cycle and really step back, taking a look at the bigger picture. I’m worthy of a great, mutual love, I know that. Yet *something* is missing, *something* is causing me to attract men who mistreat me, and enough is enough. Or…if it isn’t necessarily energy that I’m putting out which is causing it, at a minimum, I need to recognize/listen to red flags [intuition] from an earlier stage & act.
In the interim, while I sort through my past to open up doors for a fulfilling future, I’m not hopping back on The Match. Typically post break up from Mr. Ex, or any guy for that matter, I reactivate my profile. This time though, I’m literally putting my dating alter ego in time out.
Despite my avid affinity for duo-ship, it may come as a surprise that I’m not one of those people who hates being alone. I enjoy it, honestly. Ordering lunch at a restaurant while simultaneously savoring a good book. Sprawling out on the couch in not so sexy PJs, watching Must See TV. Turning my cell phone ringer off every once and a while to have some peace and quiet. I’ve even gone to the movie theatre before on several occasions, ticket for one please.
But there is just something special about having a significant other who doubles as a best friend, who knows you inside and out, checks in on you regularly, showing affection and attention, and can finish your sentences. Hugs & Kisses are fun too.
Last week I decided to try and reconnect with The Quarterback…a handsome and respectful chap I’ve dated in between Mr. Ex, not once but twice. I’ve been honest with him all along and will continue to do the same – letting him know my state of the solo union and currently have no business being his or anyone’s girlfriend. Dancing for the Single Ladies team is my best bet for now.
Frankly…I’ll be lucky if he will even consider being my platonic friend, given my tap out(s) to reconnect with an ex.
Last night I met up with him for a St. Patty’s Day celebration. I brought along an entourage of two, as quasi chaperones – mostly to provide back-up and keep me in [crazy girl] check. Ever since I started initiating communication, I noticed he hasn’t reciprocated quite the same as in the past. Despite the fact it is his busiest season of the year at work, and despite the fact he went out of his way & hooked me and my friends up with college championship seats at a men’s basketball tournament the previous weekend, being “a girl” I still manage to find a way to analyze and read between the [text messaging] lines.
With a little liquid courage, I decided to call him out on it, to which he swiftly put me in my place. “I’ve been blowing you up for the last 6 months, forgive me for being a little cautious.” Touché, QB, touche.
So off I go down a bumpy yellow brick road, trying to pave the way to my happily ever after. Whether or not his patience wears thin in the end or altogether falls off the map as I make my way to Oz, my hope is there really will be no place like home — and when I’m with him, he feels like it.
