Golden questions.
I grew up in an upper middle class, caucasian, suburban household under strict Catholic parents with rigid rules. And while, scientifically speaking, I should probably be attracted to what is most “familiar” to me, I’ve always gravitated toward pigmented testosterone prototypes for my partners. Jokingly, my family would blame it on my *ethnic past life* — but I’m starting to believe I really may have had one.
Without scouring through detailed facets of organized religion and/or arguing philosophical inquiries, it honestly never, ever dawned on me that we would exist before and/or after this particular lifetime. That isn’t what I was taught, and therefore was all I ever knew.
But after reading book, upon book, upon book (which by the way were totally unrelated to each other and at the time did not know that this subject would even be covered within the pages), I now can’t help but wonder…is it possible that our souls change outfits? Is it possible that we do in fact need more time than a mere 60-90 years, give or take, to adequately learn lessons — making us holistically sound inside & out to be worthy of eternal tranquility?
I’m quite certain that by the time my own funeral comes, I will not have come to a firm belief either way. Unless of course God himself shows me, otherwise it will remain as a pondering What If that will fascinate my extremely inquisitive spirit.
Besides the extremely rational and logical explanations that I’ve digested through multiple soft and hardback covers, I also go back to my personal experiences and am forced to reflect…
Was I a shitty, self-centered person in a past life, and that is why I am facing what I am today in relationships? Is this my karma playing itself out, teaching me what it is like to hurt from selfish, egotistical people? This may sound absurd or extreme but stay with me for a second. For as long as I can remember, I’ve primarily been a very thoughtful, sensitive, compassionate and caring person. I’m also street smart and not too shabby in the book smart department. So it just doesn’t make any sense why I’d continually fall into relationships that are traumatic and mentally abusive. Perhaps this is my current life’s lesson playing itself out.
I’ve also heard about instances of negative experiences in our past lives playing out in subsequent lives. For example, someone has an unexplained fear of water/drowning. Yet in this lifetime they themselves have absolutely no recollection of a scare as a child [nor their parents] to cause this terror, but the phobia is completely debilitating. Some practitioners theorize that this is called past life regression and can be exposed through hyponosis to help them recall memories and connect the dots.
That begs yet another question — is there really an intrinsic third eye that we can tap into, allowing a greater sense of higher consciousness?
So circling back to my original point of opposite sex attraction. You can pretty much guarantee that if the man is a 1st or 2nd generation spawn from overseas such as Latin America, Africa, Middle East or the Mediterranean — I will fancy the chap. Foreign cultures, customs, dances, languages and traditions. Love, love, love them. But I can’t explain it. I don’t know where the heck that came from.
Additionally I’ve also been told on countless occasions (many times by elders) that I’m “wise beyond my years” and “have an old soul.” Which again, I always took as idioms. To be honest though, I really do *feel* older, like I’ve lived/experienced much more than I actually have in 30 years. At the risk of soundy corny, I also feel immense kinship toward nature and animals…there is something so special and sacred about them.
And as each birthday passes, the more tuned-in I’ve become to the afterlife, experiencing communication whether through dreams, while praying, or in a quiet atmosphere. A few times I visited with a Medium who told me I needed to balance my Chakras. What was crazy about that is I didn’t even know that there was a “term” for it*, but I knew exactly what he meant without any explanation [*they are focal points for the reception and transmission of energies].
All of these puzzle pieces are beginning to form a profound shape on my spirit, a clearer picture. Although I identify with Catholicism doctrine from childhood, yet empathize with Buddhism teachings as an adult, I feel at peace with not necessarily knowing all the answers, or marrying myself to one particular religious following.
The Golden Rule is what I ultimately try to live by — be kind to others. My hope is that the ethical code will always serve as my guide, in this lifetime, and beyond.
