Cougars, uncovered?
One of my favorite web sites to gush over fluff but nevertheless fabulous female fodder is thefrisky.com. During Thursday afternoon’s eat-at-my-desk-while-surfing-the-internet lunch session, a book review came across my screen — Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. I finished the witty synopsis in record time, wiped up my drool of excitement, and penciled in a Barnes & Noble stop the following day. Not only was the primary argument controversial and subversive, but both the author and article reviewer managed to mention Sex & the City. Done and done.
I’m now on page 98 and don’t know whether to laugh or cry. There are still 200+ pages to go. It is basically a Dr. Phil-style, hardcore, in-your-face, scared-straight, whoop ass for aging women on the fast track to staying indefinitely single due to their own self-defeating choices that is based upon an assumption: no partner will ever be good enough. Now thankfully I’m in a relationship that is forecasted for a stable future, but if it doesn’t pan out, I’ll be back in the husband-finding field…fighting against boisterous 20-something competition. During my dating escapades over the last year, I saw for myself what a tiny pool of eligible men there are out there too. The picture is very grim. So let’s just say the premise of this book’s message not only has me acutely aware of the ticking clock that surrounds my uterus, but now my Mrs. eligibility age is at risk.
An honorary female friend of mine who is smart, gorgeous and has the whole package, and is also single, was a perfect candidate to co-read the published literature with me. A 1:1 book club if you will. You see, we’re two of the last few standing early 30’s women who haven’t been scooped up by a mister, yet. We both have our own stories (excuses) and reasons (failed relationships) and so the subject is a hot topic on a regular (daily) basis. Like a faithful companion, she secured her copy and we’re well on our way to dual labor of love enlightenment.
Mr. Big questioned my interest on the delicious topic(s) last night after I walked in with the ‘M word’ titled bright red book in-hand. “Are you sure it is…umm…healthy to spend this much time focused, even obsessed, with this?” I carefully and thoughtfully tried to explain that my curiosity on male/female dynamics has been and probably always will keep bookstores in business. Then informed him that besides obtaining a minor in Writing during college, I also earned one in Sociology. And concluded with the agree to disagree, “You should probably just accept it.”
While I simultaneously accept his enjoyment of video games to the likes of Madden, FIFA and some kind of human/alien war taking place in space, my hours snowed-in have been filled with fascinating stories and lessons on Settling. That word has such a horrible connotation, as it should, in theory. But what the author, Lori, dissects is how she went through her 20s, 30s and early 40s never thinking any guy was good enough. Which ultimately has left her alone, sad, and sans companionship. In short, her point is that our generation of females have set our Prince Charming standards so incredibly high (unattainable) that we’re missing a perfectly happy life with Mr. Good Enough.
That’s not to say we should “settle” for someone who doesn’t bring us happiness, but focusing more on subjective points (maturity, kindness, ability to commit) vs. objective points (age, height, how much hair he has, whether he has kids or an ex-wife).
Which leads me to my next point. While talking with a fellow early 30’s unattached fella, who will remain nameless, I questioned his stance on singlehood. Now mind you, this is right after hearing him retell his evening *hitting it* with a female. This seemingly cold, animal-like circumstance captured in conversation didn’t phase me, as I’m well aware how guys talk to each other regarding sex and hookups. But I had to ask, “So…are you single and sleeping around because you don’t want to be tied down, or is it because you just haven’t found the right girl?” His answer was firmly the latter. “I’d definitely be settled down [there is that S word again] if I found the right one…but girls these days are crazy.” I had to clarify, “What do you mean ‘these days’ — are they different now than before?” The busy bachelor explained, “Yes ladies have become more high maintenance today and you can’t make them happy.”
After chuckling a bit, I shared that the book’s subject I’ve had my nose in all afternoon preached a similar message. His next matter-of-fact statement hit me like a hangover, “Which is why we now have Cougars.”
Wow. Could it be true? Have women who simply never married because they wouldn’t curb over-exaggerated expectations in any way, shape or form, establish the infamous Cougar Club? This possible realization, and coupled fear of ever getting a membership invite, made my whiskers whimper.
