Ex feet under.
My life continually manifests through themes. Well this last week has distinctly been focused on former flings.
First up is the Quarterback. During my 30-day dating binge in November, QB was the only one who I had any kind of quasi history with, so was consequently the only guy I shared full disclosure regarding my Mr. Big reunion. He handled my early retirement incredibly well and wished me good luck to boot. Since then we’ve kept in touch by way of texting and turns out he really, really wanted the borrowed orange Banana Republic tee back in his possession. Some people in my circle speculated he just wanted a reason to see me; I however wasn’t convinced that was the case. So I finally arranged for us to meet up on neutral territory last Thursday – the gym. Although our electronic demeanor was friendly and upbeat, the same tone didn’t quite translate in-person.
Through our prior sporadic messaging I had mentioned my 10K training* (I use that term* very loosely), knowing he’d appreciate it considering I’ve always been an anti-runner and he is an avid pavement pounder. So we chatted at the end of our individual workouts for maybe 90 seconds about my pathetic knees and amateur-level endurance, I handed him the returned apparel in a Target bag, and we said good-bye, sans hug. That aspect is what left me feeling luke warm about the experience, but considering we were both covered in sweat, any embrace probably would have been sticky…literally & metaphorically.
While retelling this same story to a good girl friend of mine the other day (who had met him on two occasions), she explained that right after my sudden and indefinite breakup from dating, QB searched for, found & contacted her through Facebook, asking if she could “somehow do something – I really like her.” That news threw me off. Not only that it was unexpected he’d reached out to my comrade for back-up reinforcement, but sweet he thought she could somehow impact my decision to date him. Well she obviously never attempted to do anything, let alone even tell me he did that, knowing I was focused on attempting to fix things with Mr. Big.
Next in the valiant recasting line-up has been the Artist. We never actually met in person (I had canceled our date due to unforeseen circumstances aka being swept away in a surprise limo excursion), but had i-chatted over Gmail. Ever since I told him I was getting off the singles market, he has texted a few times. The last “check in” I candidly explained that I’ve officially reunited with a former long-term relationship. Well the other day while signed in to check my email, he must have seen my screen name & started typing away. I’ve now set my account to invisible.
Then I got a friend request complemented by an email through Facebook from another guy (never even nicknamed him, that’s how insignificant he was at the time). “I don’t know why but something compelled me to search for you on here. Since I found you, figured I’d reach out and see how you’re doing.” Ugh, this is a classic example of the love/hate relationship I have with the World Wide Web. I wrote back a very brief response, purposefully not asking him any questions in hopes of not starting a running dialogue. But of course, he did anyway, “Well to tell you what I’ve been up to…”
An incredibly creepy guy from The Match also contacted me through my personal, private page – I never responded to his (multiple) winks or email requests on the actual dating site, so why does he think it’d somehow work on a social networking site? First a poke, then a friend request. Negative, Creepy McCreeperson.
Finally, Hokie and I have had a limited handful of communication over the last 6 months, most recently thru an evite to a fundraising event he is hosting. We ended on friendly terms over the summer so I have absolutely no issue with supporting a cause important to him in a public forum. Then just yesterday I noticed he mentioned my company’s #1 competitor in his Facebook status with regards to his dog. I commented and suggested using our products instead. Next thing I know, a text message is coming through asking what I’m up to. In the middle of a business day, I respond “at work” to which a quick reply reads, “Oh MaryB…I heart you.”
- Lesson #1: If you participate in and/or open up communication with a former fling – they may very well take that as an opportunity to reengage. Even if you’re innocently being friendly and talking on equal playing fields, its best to just zip the lip. You think the past is buried six feet under, when in fact, exs notoriously try to come back from the dead.
- Lesson #2: Even though you’ve disabled an online dating profile and canceled membership from Match.com months ago, don’t think you’re in the clear. They will find you.
- Lesson #3: You will begin to resent Facebook.
- Lesson #4: Despite that you’ve told ex manfriends you’re solely dating another ex manfriend, they don’t necessarily take that as truth. Or maybe they just don’t care. Be aware of their “next at bat” stance in case “at bat man” doesn’t hit a homerun.
- Lesson #5: Even with your best effort, you’ll still likely manage to handle run-ins with past potential partners over par.
The original subject matter and intended climax of this blog post was going to be based around the age-old dispute, “Can you be friends with an ex?” But apparently… I’ve just answered my own question.
