MaryB and the City

Beauty in disguise.

Life is short.

I’m reminded of this fact on a regular basis. And yet every single day I struggle to remember it.

Like today, for example…work was tough. It was Murphy’s Law, realized; almost every possible opportunity for something to go wrong - did. I’m lucky enough, though, to ground myself in “this too shall pass” mantras. When I wanted to cry, instead I decided to laugh. That was the best I could do.

I love love love my job.

Working with animals and producing tools and toys for them to live a happy, fun-filled adventure brings endless gratification. I’m not saving lives in an emergency room, or curing cancer, but in its simplest & humane form…I’m helping improve the relationship between people and their pets. And that is beautiful.

Yet it is near impossible to not get bogged down in the daily grind, feel the heat of deadlines, manage pressure from an unreasonable amount of work, juggle multiple responsibilities, and still walk through the hallways with a genuine smile.

Then there is my relationship with Mr. Big.

Somedays are harder than others. And the days that are sweet, produce crater-like cavities. I miss him, so much.

He flew home this past weekend and it flew by. Not the cliché kind ~ time slipped away from us ~ but literally it was only 36 hours. When we reminisced about the trip and I asked what his favorite moment was [laughing, borderline crying at a hilarious video together], I then reflected and realized that mine was simply *being* together. Literally, just feeling his skin, his warmth, his presence. Whether we were falling asleep in bed or cuddling on the couch — it felt like two magnets joining forces.

I’d venture to say that our connection is at an all-time high right now. It’s like when you’re in the early stages of running [coming from someone who considers herself a non-runner] — the first mile is the hardest, the second mile is uncomfortable, then by the third you start to get into a stride. I suppose we’ve reached a runner’s high…when everything just seems to fall into place.

Speaking of running, that is another hurdle. Although not fully ready to completely open the sensitive skeletons in my diminishing closet, but in short, I’m at a critical turning point to get my ass in action. I fell off the wagon in the fall from back-to-back travel, then fell into cookies and cupcakes over the winter holidays, ultimately leaving my wardrobe in an unprecedented famine.

I’m taking it one day at a time, easing my way back into a gym routine, munching on leafy greens and fresh fruits…and in the meantime doing my best not to [literally and metaphorically] bodyslam my ego.

So through all of these seemingly impossible or at best, very difficult trials…I’m surrounded by “it could be worst” instances.

Like the friend who has a hard time getting pregnant & has undergone two rounds of in vetro fertilization procedures. Oh and she also lost her father a few weeks ago; her estranged father who she had only recently started to reconcile with. And then there is the friend who is struggling between her ex-husband and current manfriend, trying to figure out her wants and needs and frankly, who she really is. There is also a friend who has a Mother battling breast cancer; she also happens to be the same friend who is in love with a man whose skin color happens to be black…and family won’t accept interracial dating, so she has tragically decided to not pursue what her authentic self and heart desires. Then there is the friend whose parents are on the cusp of a divorce after 30 years of marriage. Another friend is suddenly a single parent because her marriage succumbed to a husband who secretly became addicted to drugs. One friend found out her father slipped back into alcohol abuse and it has shaken the family to their core. I also can’t leave out the non-profit organization that I freelance write for who photographs children suffering from life-threatening illnesses…to [pro bono] leave their parents with beautiful moments captured on film to treasure smiles and memories forever.

I am Blessed. Sometimes it is blatant. Sometimes it is disguised. I’m inspired by loved ones who are facing challenges beyond comprehension, yet they choose to live & keep going every single day. They fall asleep with resilience and wake up with hope.

Every single day I try to remember, try to remind myself that the grass is not always greener on the other side. That I’m humbled to have employment. That I’m grateful to have someone I consider a soulmate. That although I may not [ever] be the skinny self that I’ve sketched out in my mind, I’m healthy and I’m alive.

Life is short, but sweet for certain.