Organic fertilizer.
There is something so shameful in the word Settle. The overall connotation has a negative perception no matter how you apply it.
- I settled for a job position I didn’t want when I knew I was capable of greater responsibilities.
- I settled for a salary less than what I deserved when I knew I was worth more.
- I settled for a friendship that was not fulfilling when I really wanted dual participation and respect given on both ends.
- I settled for a relationship that was one-sided when I really needed a partner who made me a priority.
- I settled for a bag of 100 calorie Oreo chips when I really wanted a full strip of the original full-fat version.
To Settle is a verb that means to make quiet or orderly, to sink gradually or to the bottom. To Settle Down means to become established in some routine, esp. upon marrying, after a period of independence or indecision. Both variations of these meanings have played a significant role in my life. For example, I will not settle by jeopardizing my value system for someone who won’t even settle down with me.
At my core, I’m a pretty amicable person. I don’t instigate fights. I don’t fester in unforgiveness. I give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes more than they deserve. Although I don’t like to classify my handing out second, third and fourth chances as settling — I’d like to consider it a result of having a freakishly over-sized heart.
I’m happily settling every single day into the comfort of my own skin. But something I will not settle for is compromising my wants, needs and desires. I will not “make quiet” for the purposes of bringing order to others’ lives. Frankly, I’m exhausted living my life to make everyone else feel better. I learned that lesson a long time ago — that no one person can completely make another happy, so don’t bother trying. Sure, it’s in my nature to be complacent and to sacrifice…but there comes a point where the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. And nothing you say or do will ever change the composition of someone’s heart.
The older I get, the stronger my smell sensory has become. And manure happens to have a decidedly pungent odor to it.
