Good goodbyes.
The longer I work for a pet products company, and don’t have a pup to call my own, the more I feel like a fraud. From morning to night, I live and breathe animals. But I won’t harp on that hole in my heart because I simply can’t have a 4-legged friend at this point in my life due to current housing restrictions. The good news though is that one day, when I am able to become a FurMom, I’ll be ridiculously prepared to humanely raise a confident, obedient, and happy doggie.
Since my short tenure in the industry, I’ve had the privilege of meeting two of the most prestigious, well-respected trainers in the world. These guys are polar opposites of the domineering, pro-wolfpack leader Caesar Milan - their training techniques simply couldn’t be any different. You see, this breed of educators believes in a method called Positive Reinforcement. While I have zero credibility to professionally advise on this methodology, I at least know enough and have seen dozens of demonstrations to understand that we don’t have to physically or emotionally abuse pets in order to get them to do what we want.
While I sat in a seminar today given by a sharp, witty chap who is the equivalent of Martha Stewart in the canine kitchen, prepared to hear wisdom and insight that helps foster relationships between people and their pets, it threw me for quite a loop when the British-bred gentleman overlapped the fundamental principles to training animals with training children, and even spouses. More on that later.
I am completely fascinated by sociology, psychology, and the subconscious, so the man had my undivided attention. As a matter of fact, he is such a great speaker and fully captures your focus, I bet that is exactly how his paw-clad clients feel too.
For starters, the best way to change behavior is to reward good behavior.
But many owners rely on another approach. Inducing frustration and fear. There are 3 types of torture - inflicting pain, loss of control, and no predictability [which is the worst kind - being afraid is the highest/strongest emotional trait]. The side effects of punishment is aggressiveness/defensiveness, emotionally shutting down/depressed, and physical damage [i.e. choke collars damaging the trachea]. And to think, people do this to their alleged “best friend.”
All mammals are the same in the sense that we associate a bad experience, and then try to avoid it. That is called a behavior response. So the concept with Positive Reinforcement [vs. using Negative Punishment] is to reward the behavior that you want your dog to repeat. If you consistently and continually do so, they figure out that X Behavior = Y Positive Outcome [treat, belly rub, get to sit on the couch, etc.].
By either rewarding a good behavior, or if you want your dog to stop doing something, you have no more than 3 seconds to reinforce it - they’ll put two and two together and learn the association. This is the Law of Effect…situations accompanied or closely followed by satisfaction will be more clearly connected with the situation, and the opposite is true too. So if you come home to find your trash raided or carpet soiled, don’t bother flipping off the handle because your pooch won’t know what the hell he did wrong.
Classical Conditioning is when your pet learns to associate between 2 stimuli. One great example the trainer shared is when he has visitors over at house, they walk to the kitchen upon arrival and gives his dogs a treat. Over time, the dogs learned that visitors = positive experience. So now they don’t bark and go crazy at the door knocking, instead they sit nicely and behave properly knowing there is a benefit just around the corner. But don’t think for a second they won’t know when it is an intruder ~ their sixth sense is paramount.
Another interesting piece of knowledge is that there is no learning of “behavior” without feeling, thus you learn to respond [behave] to signals that have induced a feeling. All mammals including humans have the same original brain structure. We share at least 7 common emotional systems & learn/refine behavior the same. The most important system is fear. So think about it. If you are put in a position of fear, how do you react?
A seemingly small tip but could be huge for dogs who battle boredom — is never feed them meals in a bowl. Put food in a treat/kibble-dispensing dog toy, dampen the food, and stuff it in the container. This is especially good for when the owner has to leave the house — keeping them entertained, mentally stimulated, and busy. You should leverage this easy, daily task and put it to better use.
And this is where the lecture got really perverse.
He said humans, horses and dogs are the only mammals who put up with abuse. You’ll never see a cat, parrot or bear put up with it. And not only that, we are punished and keep coming back [only if there was an established relationship before the abuse began]. Although it sound totally backwards, we all have a need to be wanted and needed, and sometimes even being mistreated…won’t stop us from coming back for more.
Ninety percent of training is getting your dog to want to do what you want him to do. If you scare the living daylights out of him, sure he may do the deed, but it isn’t a pleasant experience for either one of you, and he won’t be inclined to repeat the behavior on his own. Teaching a dog to understand us, has to be treated like teaching a child ESL. If a kid isn’t picking up quickly during a reading assignment, would you shock, beat him, or pull sharp little knives into his neck? No. You’d pull your patience together and keep trying. This is the exact same concept as teaching a dog how to heel.
Kindergarden teachers are the best trainers of all. They can command an entire classroom of 30 little people, and not even raise their voice, by standing still with their arms crossed and say absolutely nothing. Eventually the kids will be quiet and listen. Then, in a soft tone the teacher thanks them [rewards the behavior] and continues with her lesson. So you see, the same concepts can be applied to kids, as you would a pet. Achieving the exact same outcome just by being consistent, calm and not showing attention to the unwanted behavior.
If your vocal 4-legged child goes crazy when the mailman comes by the house, teach him how to lay on a mat. Treat him when he gets it right. Once he has learned the behavior, when the mailman comes again, tell him to go to the mat - then treat him. Eventually he’ll associate the mailman with going to the mat automatically.
Additionally, just as our dogs want to please us and react strongly to positivity and praise, so do children and companions. If you scold your youngster for not writing the letter “e” in the right direction, they’ll be discouraged and not look forward to showing you their homework again. If you ridicule your spouse for not taking out the trash after you asked him to earlier that morning, he’ll probably avoid you like the plague the rest of the night. On the contrary, if you twist the approach by instead saying, “Joey you did a great job writing ‘e’ [then show it to him in a mirror reflection], let’s see if you can try copying how it looks in this image too” and thanking your forgetful housemate when he *does* take out the garbage [reinforcement].
And just like that, it hit me. We really are all so similar. Responding to kindness, gratitude and encouragement goes so much farther than manipulation, anger and loud noises. So whether it’s your little girl/boy, cutie patootie pooch or partner…try reinforcing the good behavior first and foremost and you’ll get a lot farther, faster.
His parting words had nothing to do with training, either. Instead he left us with a sentiment to be appreciative.
“So many people mourn the loss of their pets…their hearts completely break. Yet they take them for granted while they’re here. So, hug them today. Kiss them today. Have fun with them today. Every single time, give them good hellos, and good goodbyes.”
